Hi everyone,
One day you’re sure he’s the one. The next you’re convinced you’re wasting your time. Sound familiar?
This is one of the questions I hear most as a therapist: “How do I know if what I’m feeling is anxiety—or my gut trying to tell me something real?”
Here’s the thing most people don’t realize: anxiety and intuition can feel similar in the body. Both spike when something feels off. Both keep you up at night. Both feel important. No wonder it’s so hard to tell them apart. But I’ve learned to recognize one crucial difference between the two:
Relationship anxiety is usually a fear that things will change—he’ll pull away, stop loving you, find someone else. The core fear is future-oriented: what if the worst happens?
Intuition, on the other hand, is a concern about the way things actually are—he doesn’t really prioritize you, he pulls away when things get hard. The core feeling is present-oriented: the way things are now is not okay with me.
That difference is everything.
So how do you tell them apart in the moment? One of my favorite tools is what I call the Staying With It Test.
The next time you feel that anxious pull, try this:
1. Name what you’re feeling: “I’m feeling uncertain about my relationship.”
2. Rate the intensity 0-10.
3. Set a timer for five minutes and regulate: try paced breathing, splash cold water on your face, or go for a walk.
4. Rate it again.
If it was anxiety, the feeling will decrease significantly—you may even wonder why you were so upset to begin with. If it’s intuition, the decrease will be more subtle. You might come down from a 9 to a 6, but the gut feeling persists. That is information you shouldn’t ignore.
Click here to receive my free guide: Is it Anxiety or Intuition? A Guide for the Overthinker — with two more tools for sorting this out, including one question that has stopped many of my clients in their tracks.
Until next week,
Dana